im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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