Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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