you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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