How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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