absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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