It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
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Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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