She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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