I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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