Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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