I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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