My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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