I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize