I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize