you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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