the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize