Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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