I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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