I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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