we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize