i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
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I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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