So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize