Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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