they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize