I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
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That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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