Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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