he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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