Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
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I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
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apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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