oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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