Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize