drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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