so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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