I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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