Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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