Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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