is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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