never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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