She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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