Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
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Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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