My liver just broke up with me...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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