Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Enjoy the penises
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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