your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
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And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
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DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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