White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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