I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize