Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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