y did u give ur computer a hand job?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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