Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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