The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
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What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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