I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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