and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
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Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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