When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
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Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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